An update

Now that the year is coming to an end, I figured it's time for an update after the end of my NYC trip a week and a half ago. I'm sitting here at night thinking so much about so many things. My life is honestly a mess right now... I seem to only be adding more stress with the choices I make and what I choose to focus on.

Here's a rundown of all the things on my mind:
a.) A man that I've been in love with since I was fourteen years old. I've been proposed to twice in my life by him and regret not accepting his proposals. He loves me with all of his heart but he's scared to be with me. Because, he knows, in his heart of hearts, that if he ever was to give his love to me... I could very well be the end of his world. So, in turn, he chooses to date men that he has very little interest in and live life knowing that he won't be hurt by the men he doesn't love. He's perfect. But he always runs away from me in the end.

b.) My ex-boyfriend.. that I still have feelings for. We dated for a couple of years and then broke up recently. Lately we've been spending more time together, which I enjoy, but we act as if we're still together.

c.) My DUI - woohoo for lawyer's costs, court fines, probation, etc. Who knows what's going to happen with this one?

d.) The opportunity to move to Chicago and restart my life. I'd be with extended family (the ones I absolutely love to pieces). This also comes with leaving the friends I've had the longest.. my father was a Commanding Officer in the Navy - we moved often. I've known everyone here for at least 4 years, if not, more. I was so used to changing friends every year and a half or two.

e.) Modeling - it's just as stressful as ever.

f.) Lack of motivation in school and other places in my life

g.) Sugar Daddies - It's a great thrill and I enjoy older men in the first place. However, it's so time consuming and exhausting. A few new pots are starting to show up - woohoo!

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I have a lot of decisions and choices to make. My mind is fried. Goodnight.


I hope you're all enjoying your holidays!

Sebastian